𝙁𝙭𝙘𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪 - Chris Sturniolo - Chapter 39 ↣ i'm not myself (2024)

Tess and I get into some comfy clothes pretty much in silence. We're now both sat on my bed with a movie on in the background.
"I'm so sorry" I say.
"Hey, hey, you're going through so much right now, you're obviously going to do some crazy sh*t" she says, while rubbing my forehead with her finger.

"I know, but there's no excuse for this, I can't make it right."
"Nothings impossible Gia, you know what you need to do."
I roll my eyes and message Sam, I tell him we can't do this anymore, and I put my phone down.
"He won't ever like me again Tess, he really hates me now." I sit up and she sits opposite me.

"He loves you Gia, when you love someone, it's hard to let them go."
The tears begin to stream.
"But he won't love me again, he can't!"
"Shh, I promise you, give him time and space, okay?" I nod my head.

The rest of the night is pretty chill, eventually, we fall asleep to the faint sounds of screaming on the movie, I feel so on edge and horrible.

Chris' pov

I leave the party in utter disbelief and despair. I can't with her anymore, I can't believe she'd do that to me. A distraction? Seriously? She's so f*cking stupid, I feel played and honestly, I don't want to ever be near her.

I yank open the passenger door and slam it shut. Nick and Matt get in afterwards.
" she's so stupid, I can't believe it" Matt says, I look at him while shaking my head.
"I should've known we wouldn't work, she constantly told me before, that we'd never work. I wish I f*cking believed her"

Nick rubs my shoulder, "let's go", and he sighs.

Time skip - next Monday

Gia's pov
Tessa spent the weekend with me and I'm forever grateful for her. I also told Janae everything, and she's coming back to school today.

When I arrive, I keep my head low, well, I tried to
Unfortunately, I bump into Sam, "hey you wh-"
"Sam, please don't" I say, and he just nods his head and walk off, spotting Chris next to my locker, looking at me as he slams his own shut and walks in the opposite direction.

I can't possibly be mad, I'm the problem, and he just needs time. Time. Space.

I head to first period which is earth science. I walk in and everyone is in their normal seats. There's no where else to f*cking sit apart from next to Tessa, who's sat opposite Chris.

I huff as I put my bag down and Tess smiles at me, I try and force out my best smile. I pull out my books and connect my phone to my AirPods, music is the only thing keeping me going at this point.

I rub my eyes and look in front of me, every single time I look at him he grimaces and looks away. Every. Single. Time.

I can't blame him though, there's no possible way I can, but he riles me up. He practically hates me more than anything right now, and I can't help but feel the need to reciprocate it back to him.

I look up to see the notes on the board and he does it yet again. "Can you stop doing that?" I say to him. Chris and Matt both instantly look at me then back at Chris.
"What?" He says, acting clueless as f*ck.
I glare at him.
"Stop being a f*cking child" I say, he scoffs and laughs.
"You can't be serious?"
Tess taps me leg and gives me a 'stop it' look, but I shake my head.

I look back at him, "that's what i thought" he says, as he returns back to his work.
I sigh excessively loud, and he shoots me a dirty look.
"Oh my god stop doing that!"
"Don't f*cking tell me what to do after you did what you did"
"Get a f*cking grip dumbass, I couldn't give a sh*t what you think, just stop being such an idiot giving me dirty looks every second"

He scoffs, "oh yeah, you were practically begging me to hear you out after you went kissing f*cking Sam of all people"
"Shut up Chris!" I say, too loud.
"Gianna, quiet down!" The teacher says, as I roll my eyes and pick my pen back up.

"You shouldn't be the one angry at me, Gia"
I look up at him, guilt written all over my face now.
"Chris." Nick says, but his eyes don't move from mine.
"You don't know what's going on in my head, I know I did you wrong, don't you think I know that? Don't you think I regret it with my entire existence? I do Chris, I f*cking hate myself, but I'm not even myself at the moment. I hate to blame it on my dad, but my heads a f*cking state, I can't think straight and my chest constantly aches. I'm sorry, okay? Just stop being so annoying for once."

He looks at me, he doesn't feel sorry for me, but he doesn't want to hurt me even more.
"Doesn't excuse what you did Gia"
"I'm not that f*cking dumb Chris." I say, as I return back to my work, I look at Matt and Nick swiftly, they feel sorry for me, they're my bestfriends, but Chris is my soulmate, at least I thought.

As soon as the bell goes, I stand up and leave. It's not long before Nick catches up to me though.
"Gia, can we talk?"
"I'm not in the mood, Nick" I say to him, trying to keep my tone calm.
"Please?" He says, now in front of me.
"Fine" I say, as we walk to the library for our free period.

We sit down in the corner, on the floor as there are no seats. We used to do this a lot all through our high school. Most of our gossip sessions were held here.

I'm sitting opposite him and I put my coat on top of me like a blanket.
"So.." I say, it's awkward and I know what he's going to talk to me about, but I'd rather get it out the way now rather than later.
"Are you okay? Like, seriously Gia, I know you care about him so much, so why do it?"
I sigh, he wouldn't possibly understand me, but he's my bestfriend so I might as well try to explain.

"I'm a horrible person and I don't know why i did it in all honesty, I just feel as though Chris and I are too complicated for me right now. I know we both like eachother a lot, but I like him so much that I don't want to hurt him with my grief. Which is why I made sure I broke it off completely before I did anything stupid. I was never going to cheat on him, and I didn't know until the moment I saw Sam at the park after school last week, it just happened and I wasn't in the right mind. I'd just left Chris, I was at a very low and vulnerable state. It doesn't excuse it, but I didn't cheat."

"I know that you're broken Gia, and I know how much your dads passing has taken a toll on you, but you know that Chris loves you, you know that he wouldn't care if you were there for him or not. You're the one person he completely trusted with his whole heart, and now he feels like he can't trust you again."

I part of my heart shattered at that, the fact he feels like he can't trust me again. It's all my fault, and I just wish my life had a rewind button.

I wipe the corners of my eyes with my sleeve.
"I just want to tell him how sorry I am, but he won't listen, and I don't blame him for that. I don't know what to do Nick, my life is spiralling into chaos every day, and my brain hurts from everything that I have to think about. It's taken me too long to realise that the only thing I need is him. It's too late."

"It's not too late Gia, I'm not defending your actions because you were an idiot, but Chris understands you aren't in the right mind at the moment, he's just angry because of how much he cares about you and how much he trusted you. He just needs space"

How much space and how much time though, I need to talk to him, I need to tell him how much I love him and how much I'm sorry, I just don't know if he will listen to me.

"He gave me back his necklace, Nick."
"What?" He says quietly. I pull mine out of my hoodie and show him my 'c' necklace, still around my neck. Nick gives me a sorry look, my eyes tear up once again.

"Come here." He says, as he sits beside me and wraps his arm around me, I lean onto his shoulder and share my coat with him.
"Im so sorry Nick."
"I'm not the person you should be saying that to, but trust me, give it time and he'll eventually listen to you."

I nod my head before sighing. I don't know what to do. Every bone in my body wants to just talk to him, but I know I shouldn't, I can't, it's too early. He just needs time and space. That's all he needs.

Notes
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I keep running out of things to say here so ummm idk but thanks for all your support and I literally love reading your comments so thank youu <33